its 2:54 pm on friday. i'm sitting (actually laying) on my bed with law and order on the TV in the background, smoking a cigarette, my laptop on my belly. i dont know what i'm going to make of this blog thing. maybe nothing. it would be nice for it to be something though. i feel like i have relevant thoughts to share. thoughts about the world and our country and our society and the people around me and the people i love and the people who love me and my dogs and food and TV and music and art and clothes and every other thing i happen to think about from day to day. i doubt anyone will read this...especially if i never tell anyone it exists. i'm just going to write for a while and see if i like it, then i'll decide whether or not to tell anyone. maybe i'll just tell jacob. he doesnt judge me. he never has. thats one of the reasons i'm so madly in love with him. but who cares if someone judges me? why do i care so much? i always have cared so much about that. such a stupid thing to care about. i know intellectually that it only matters what i think. if i am comfortable with my choices and if i can sleep at night (figuratively speaking because i really never sleep well) then thats all that should matter. my head knows that. my heart on the other hand...